


Dream An Endless Dream

by patriciaselina



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Declarations Of Love, Love Triangles, M/M, POV Third Person, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Weddings, so much angst i don't know why i did this i'm gomen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 15:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1784572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patriciaselina/pseuds/patriciaselina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There would have been a wedding. Nagisa would be there, and Rei would be there, too, right beside him at the altar, just like how they are right now. If only it were that easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dream An Endless Dream

**Author's Note:**

  * For [brumal](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=brumal).



> Dedicated to [brumalbreeze](http://tmblr.co/mhkl1Pl00aWinddUuqylhAg) because this is seriously the thing I was doing when I first read [ _My Favorite Place Is Next To You_](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1113718). Took me a while, though, but at least I’ve got it done now…but I’m still not sure if following this through is a good thing.
> 
> Based on the MV for Taeyang’s “[ _Wedding Dress_](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjcvasr-6o0)”. If you’ve seen that one before, then you could make a good guess as to how this would go. And if you haven’t…well.  **If you want a happy story, please go elsewhere**. If you could excuse me, I have to go cry now.

Rei breaches the subject over coffee one lazy afternoon.

“You  _are_  my best friend, Nagisa.” Rei says, with a certainty to his eyes that warms Nagisa down to his very bones. “You have always understood me more than anyone could, and I have  _always_  been grateful that I got to meet you.”

“Rei…” Nagisa murmurs, tears threatening to spill over and dilute his latte, his throat going dry at the intensity with which Rei looks at him. They’ve long since outgrown the halting honorifics, the cutesy nicknames – and after all this time they’ve spent together, Nagisa  _really_  should’ve seen this question coming.

“…and it would please me more than anything else if you would be there with me, in front of the altar, on the, on the most important day of my life.” Rei continues, tripping on his words, staring glances at Nagisa, looking almost terrified of what the other man’s reaction to his words would be. “Please, could you do that for me?”

“Of course, Rei!” Nagisa pipes up excitedly, almost tipping over the flimsy table as he stands up to envelop Rei in a tight hug. “I’d do that for you. Anything, for you.”

Rei chuckles deeply and hugs back; Nagisa smiles so widely, it almost splits his face in half.

.

.

.

Everything’s ready for today. Nagisa’s got his whole outfit picked out, from his suit jacket to his waistcoat to his little silver cufflinks, and he memorizes his cue by heart. It’s a wedding; walk in single, walk out married. No reason for him to be getting cold feet.

Not when it was  _Rei_  who he’s doing all this for. Rei, arriving at the altar in his handsome tux, who had the most amazing of smiles on his face when Nagisa had hugged him and said  _yes_. So Nagisa takes the little flower and slips it in his jacket pocket, close to his heart – it’s a nice purple, a weak imitation of Rei’s eyes.

Rei’s eyes had always been the most beautiful thing about him. This is the thought weighing heavily on Nagisa’s mind, as he gets off his butt and on his way to the chapel.

 _I’m doing this for Rei_ , Nagisa thinks, the slightest bits of a smile forming on his face. And Nagisa’ll do this right, if it’s the last thing he does. Because Rei is his best friend, and Nagisa loves him more than anything.

“Looking  _sharp_ , Rei!” Nagisa says, clapping his best friend on the back.

“–  _Nagisa_! Must you shove me so rashly?” Rei retorts, the faintest hints of red dusting his cheeks. “And as far as I’m concerned, I think we shouldn’t be seeing each other, yet.”

“Pshaw. Nobody really believes in all that stuff nowadays, Rei, so it’s all fine!”

Nagisa insists, puffing out his chest childishly, insistently, coaxing a quiet laugh out of the other man. Nagisa listens to that laugh, and smiles, his gaze now the least bit more thoughtful. Almost  _serene_. “Then again, you’ve  _always_  been a stickler for tradition. It’s always been one of the things I like best about you, Rei.”

“I keep telling you, Nagisa!” Rei grumbles, pushing up his glasses as his cheeks flood red. “ _Please_  refrain from saying statements like that in public. People might make assumptions.”

“But then again, Rei,” Nagisa says, stretching out his hand, wiggling his fingers jauntily, and offering an arm to the other man. “After today, they won’t be making any of those wrong assumptions, hm?”

“Yes,” Rei says, as he wraps his arm around Nagisa’s, the softest of smiles on his handsome face. “If that’s the case, then you could freely continue saying those things. After today.”

“After today,” Nagisa repeats, almost somberly, and, patting Rei’s arm where it rests on his, he takes a step forward.

.

.

.

There was a  _plan_  to all this, in the beginning. Nagisa thought it all out.

Nagisa had to do well in high school, even if he and academics got along just about as well as Haru and melon bread, because the fancy-schmancy university Rei’s definitely not gonna be taking in schmucks like Nagisa who get stuck with parabolas and English grammar and projectile motion. So he studies, and studies, and whines at Rei to tutor him, and Nagisa barely manages to get into the highly esteemed university, to Rei’s complete and utter delight.

They were supposed to spend all of college and adult life just like they did their three years of high school – inseparable, joined at the hip, closer than even Mako and Haru. And somewhere along the way, Rei was supposed to wake up realizing that he loved Nagisa more than all the things he thought he loved first, like butterflies or textbooks or neon-green school supplies.

Nagisa had been secure in this thought, that Rei would one day grab him by the shoulders and kiss him with all the passion Rei always left bubbling fiercely under his calm facade. That they’ll grow up together and bicker over dinner plans and kiss a whole damned lot and – and one day, Rei will ask a question, and Nagisa’s answer would always have been  _yes_.

There would have been a wedding. Nagisa would be there, and Rei would be there, too, right beside him at the altar, just like how they are right now.

If only it were that easy.

“Thank you, Nagisa,” Makoto says, softly, as Nagisa smiles thinly and carefully places Rei’s hand in Makoto’s outstretched one. “Rei, let’s go?”

“Yes, Makoto,” Rei says, a flush forming resplendent on his face. “Let’s.”

But then again, Nagisa’s not as good, or as accurate, a planner as Rei is, so he doesn’t see it coming. That in the end Makoto beats him to it, because Nagisa calculated (read:  _guessed_ ) wrong and Makoto didn’t fall for Haru or Rin or Gou like Nagisa thought he would. Because he was too content in the presumed inevitability of what could’ve been, that he never really did anything to make it reality.

And from the moment Rei had told Nagisa about Makoto’s confession, Nagisa knew he was hopeless and doomed because, seriously –  _seriously_! Is there  _anyone_  who can beat Makoto Tachibana in terms of sheer lovable-ness? Well, Nagisa personally thinks that there is someone, but his name happens to be  _Rei Ryugazaki_  and as far as Makoto’s concerned he’s absolutely smitten, so no luck there.

Nagisa could’ve done something about this, of course. There were just too many opportunities. Every time Nagisa would give Rei a compliment and Rei would flush dark red. Their high school graduation, when Rei had asked him if there was anything Nagisa regretted. The time that Rei had flushed red and asked him about crushes, the time they somehow spent the night sleeping in each other’s arms after a drunken night out.

.

.

.

Speaking of that night.

Here is something that Nagisa will never remember:

“I used to be in love with you, you know? When we were younger. But you were the best friend I ever had. I was scared I would lose you. People don’t usually like it when their best friends are gay and in love with them, or so I hear.”

A beat of silence, a sigh, a shuddering intake of breath.

“Why am I telling you this? Oh well, you’re  _drunk_. And  _asleep_.  _I’m_  drunk, too. I probably won’t remember this in the morning.” Rei murmurs, carding his hand in Nagisa’s hair. “As long as this blasted drunkenness is making me babble. I used to imagine waking up to your sleeping face, everyday. I always wanted to be as close to you as this. Seeing you act as cheerful and happy and close to – everyone else, really – it hurt, but I didn’t mind. I was in love with you, but then I realized that I must never let you know. Because you are my best and dearest friend, and I don’t want to lose that.”

“And I’m happy with Makoto now, even though I never saw that coming – you remember, when we were younger, and we used to wonder if he’ll ever end up with Rin-san or Haruka- _senpai_? But, wonder of wonders, he chose me. He loves me, and I know you might never do. Because this is as far as we’ll ever go…” Rei trails off, pressing a chaste kiss to the crown of Nagisa’s head. “And I am fine with that. Nagisa. I am completely fine with that.”

This is roughly eight hours before the morning that Nagisa wakes up choking on horrible sobs and doesn’t even know why.

.

.

.

But Nagisa doesn’t remember that, and even if he did he still knows there’s no use in thinking of ‘what-if’s now, when Nagisa’s feeling numb as his friends’ wedding vows wash over him, dumping an ice-cold bucket of reality on his little fantasies. Because in the end, he didn’t do anything, didn’t say anything, and no matter what happens he’ll always have been too late, so there’s really no point.

So when Rei says “I do,” to the person he loves – who has brown hair and soft green eyes and is most decidedly _not_ Nagisa – Nagisa blinks away the tears, smiles weakly, and forever holds his peace.

.

.

.

.

**fin.**

**Author's Note:**

>  **A/N** : WHAT DID I JUST DO I MEAN SERIOUSLY  _WHY_
> 
> brb crying. ugh. hopefully the [reigisa week](http://patriciaselina.tumblr.com/tagged/reigisa-week) stuff I got queued would be enough to make up for this….


End file.
